LogicG8's Journal

11:11am: I have a lot of choices to make, and I should decide soon.
Too many choices and not enough control.
I think I'm going to be sick, I've done so much wrong.
I need redemption. I've got no excuses.

Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
A: Lost.

And despite it all I'm fairly indifferent. I really need
to care more about the future. I really hate being right
sometimes...

5:33pm: Partied instead of working over the weekend. I enjoyed myself immensely. I enjoyed the trip up, decorating, getting drunk, and the trip back (despite the window), but I think I enjoyed breakfast most of all (Short stack, sausage, bacon, eggs, 2 bagels, toast and coffee...mmm I wish I was eating it right now).

I had expressed a desire to get in touch with people I had lost contact with. Well I just finished speaking with Liz Ganz and Adam Martinez.
If Liz gets her way she'll be going to CO for college. Her dorm would be a 5 minute walk from where my father works. I was considering moving there next year so as to avoid paying rent and having responsibility. What a fucking small world.

I've realized what my life long ambition is, I want to out MacGuyver MacGuyver.

I could kick myself for not watching the meteor shower. Which I didn't find out it was going to happen until after it happened. I was awake for it, thanks to my sleep "schedule" but had no idea it was going on.

1:44pm: Life is so fucking sweet. I caught up on my sleep on Monday, an unexpected day off. I don't know why, but the school was closed so I slept...a lot. I was a hell of a lot more tired than I thought. I found a program that does almost what I want but not quite for my mp3 box project *BUT* it's open source (The GPL fucking rocks) and fairly simple (hell I don't have to do much but rip out some code (done) and put in keyboard handling (if you want more detail the code of course will be made available)). I've kept up with the running. I have a stocked fridge. Computer project well under way *and* going well. The only thing I've got to be sad about for the moment is that I'm almost through reading The Guide (30-40 more pages).

4:10pm: I was bored so today is quiz day, here are the results:

What Office Space character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Type is INTP

Introverted	Intuitive	Thinking	Perceiving
Strength of the preferences %
44	33	56	89

INTP type description by D.Keirsey
INTP type description by J. Butt


Qualitative analysis of your type formula
 You are:

• moderately expressed introvert
  
• moderately expressed intuitive personality
  
• moderately expressed thinking personality
  
• very expressed perceiving personality
  

I am an Asteroid. I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind. What Pre-1985 Video Game Character Are You?

5:33pm: So I finally motivated my lazy ass to do some exercise. It felt good, and I mean *really* good. I ran to school which is a little over a mile away. My original intention wasn't to go that far just to get out a little excess energy but the night air was so nice and fresh that I just kept going. I got to the school and realized that I should probably stop. I checked my pulse (~180bpm, I really am out of fucking shape) turned around and ran home. Running home was even better; my adrenaline and endorphins kicked in and the run is mostly down hill in that direction (Yes that means it literally is an uphill battle to get myself to go to school in the mornings). The stars were all bright and clear and twinkly. I think the best part was how my mind cleared up. All the shit in my life just disappeared; things I didn't even know I was thinking of just kind of melted off into space and off of my shoulders. Everything became clear simple and easy. If I hadn't had to get up for class at 7:00am I probably would've kept going. Now if I can only make exercise habitual again...

10:08am: Worked 20 hours in a row on Saturday and into a big chunk of Sunday. Time goes by so fast at Argon. At one point at after Mike had gone out for a cigarette he came and told me that I should go outside. Stepping into the morning sun was really great; everything was so bright and vibrant. It was perfect. I think that stupid frivilous moments like that are when I am most happy.

I've been reading The Guide (graciously lended to me by Mariel as my copy is somewhere in CO). I started reading and then decided I wanted to record some of the really good quotes quotes. After reading about 2 pages further writing down quotes I stopped because I realized I was writing down pretty much everything. I think being faced with the all-encompassing perversity of the universe you can either laugh or cry. For the time being I'm laughing my ass off.

Don't Panic

7:02pm: So I did my Googlism and rather than post the whole long thing I'll post the interesting results. I grepped for god (No it was not random or the result of a delusional fancy. I did it after seeing 'god' 3 times) and the result was:
adam is a god
adam is god???
adam is god?
adam is god??? author
adam is god??? chris a
adam is really god

adam is:
the kidnapped son of european royalty
a paranoid schizophrenic
powered by uranium
everywhere can't argue with that
never as funny and clever as it thinks and/or hopes itself to be

4:47pm: So I had a really interesting dream it was particularly weird except for who was in it
and it's long length. I wouldn't mention it except that I sort of woke up and rolled over and had another dream. This one describing the previous dream to Danah. I used to never dream (yeah fuck technicalities if I don't remember it it's the same as never having it in the first place) but that has changed of late to being an every once in a while thing (1 per fortnight). Of particular note Tom Van and Amy Gersbach were hanging out together. As far as I know the two have never met each other and never will. Tom is one of my brothers at the Lodge and Amy was a girl in the USS swim club I was a part of in NJ and a member of my mothers congregation. I wouldn't even have been able to tell you her name yesterday, but I knew it in my dream and remember it now. There were a lot of other random people in the dream that I haven't seen in a long time. I had a conversation recently with Danny about wanting to get in contact with friends I'd lost contact with and although none of the people in my dreams were people that I'd mentioned or even thought of, they are good additions to the list. My subconcious...it should be noted that before I could finish this sentence that one of the people I was thinking of IMed me and told me about a plan to have a reunion with 2 of the other people I was thinking of. Problem the reunion is in Jamaica. The perversity of the universe astounds me. ...is telling me to get in better touch with people. Note if you know me and I haven't talked to you in a while, make an effort to contact me I'd like to hear from you.

5:14pm: Yesterday (well everything >= 07:50) was a miserable day.
I was dreary, tired, cold (wtf I'm never cold and it wasn't
even cold out), hungry (I tried eating, but my stomach was mad that I chose meat again and refused to accept it), and depressed.
School was evil and boring. When I finally got home around 17:00
I felt like I wanted to cry on someone's shoulder (I can't even
remember the last time I felt that way). I had no one to talk to
let alone cry to so I put on Simpsons, and went to sleep. I woke
up 4 hours later still in a horrible mood. I went about fixing
broken linux stuff and playing my new mp3s (thanks Danny). As
things got fixed my mood picked up and by 04:00 I was in a great
mood. At this point I should note I think I am a manic depressive
or a hypochondriac. After about two and a half hours of "I'll fix
one more thing and go to bed." I actually listened to myself.
When I got up today I was in the doldrums yet again, expecting
today to be as miserable as yesterday. It was raining and I was
late and I forgot stuff and had to back to my room to get it(standard bad day procedure). When I finally stepped outside I
noticed all these new dandelions and my mood picked up enormously
I could hear the universe say "Fooled you" and I started laughing.
Then halfway to school still smiling my landlady picks me up and
drops me off at the gates, so I wasn't late after all. So it's
a bright sunshiny day (metaphorically anyways).

I am an Asteroid. I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind. What Video Game Character Are You?

1:20am: Got back today [still true by BHST (BagelHut Standard Time)] from RPI.
It was a really fun trip. Mike's frat bros are pretty cool. I finally
got an apartment. Classes start way too soon. I'm probably going to
have to work 2 jobs this year, so I can keep my apartment, pay for college
*and* eat. I have been really having to rely on my friends of late. I don't
like it. Don't get me wrong I really appreciate the offers for a place to stay
and help grocery shopping, and help moving, and help getting an apartment and
help getting me enrolled in a college, and on and on. It's just not fun being
in a position where help is needed.

Speaking of friends where is Danah? Where is Ali?
Danah -- I told you so, I was drunk but damn it I was right
and I don't like it very much.

12:03pm: I guy I knew, Jarrod, died yesterday. He wasn't a good friend, but I'd say hey whenever I saw
him on the street. He was a really cool guy. It just kind of freaked me out. I saw him walking
around campus the other day perfectly fine and now he's gone. He bled to death having surgery
for a tumor. The Lodge brought over a card and a case of Sammies over to his frat Chi Phi along
with an offer to come over and drink away their sorrows if they felt so inclined. I have been
stressing lately over getting an apartment and getting money and college and million other
'problems' that have seemingly jumped up at once. This kind of snapped me back into some
semblence of proper perspective. My problems are really small, and most of them don't really
matter.

11:07pm: Premiere
"Isn't it surprising how many things, if not said immediately, seem not worth saying 10 minutes from now?" - Arnot L. Shepherd, Jr.
This is one of my favorite quotes and it kind of exemplifies the way I feel a lot of the time. God bless fortune.

So I finally got a livejournal account. I don't know wtf I am going to do with it.
I don't like to talk about my problems and feelings especially in public. I want to be a more
open and accessible person so I guess I can make a point of doing this, make it a kind of
exposure treatment. The problem I have with talking about the way I feel is two-fold: that if
I stop and take the time to really think about it (conversations move too fast) I'll understand
it in a new way and make what I said not what I feel and that's taking for granted I could
successfully communicate what I felt in the first place; two it almost never fixes anything,
and has a strong likelyhood of making them worse. I find it's usually better to just let people
think what they want because they usually will no matter what you say. People don't like
the truth cause it hurts. Words are a pitifully inadequate means of expression. That being
said I respect and appreciate it when people try to speak out.

Which brings me to Danny. I didn't read your journal entry before I said what I did,
but now I'm very happy I spoke up. You seemed kind of distant and sad. I meant every word.

Also chex mix is good.

11:04pm: Premiere
"Isn't it surprising how many things, if not said immediately, seem not worth saying 10 minutes from now?" - Arnot L. Shepherd, Jr.
This is one of my favorite quotes and it kind of exemplifies the way I feel a lot of the time. God bless fortune.

So I finally got a livejournal account. I don't know wtf I am going to do with it.
I don't like to talk about my problems and feelings especially in public. I want to be a more
open and accessible person so I guess I can make a point of doing this, make it a kind of
exposure treatment. The problem I have with talking about the way I feel is two-fold: that if
I stop and take the time to really think about it (conversations move too fast) I'll understand
it in a new way and make what I said not what I feel and that's taking for granted I could
successfully communicate what I felt in the first place; two it almost never fixes anything,
and has a strong likelyhood of making them worse. I find it's usually better to just let people
think what they want because they usually will no matter what you say. People don't like
the truth cause it hurts. Words are a pitifully inadequate means of expression. That being
said I respect and appreciate it when people try to speak out.

Which brings me to Danny. I didn't read your journal entry before I said what I did,
but now I'm very happy I spoke up. You seemed kind of distant and sad. I meant every word.

Also chex mix is good.